MONEY-TALK TABOO

Money talks in family settings are often dreaded for the uncomfortable nature. Parents, guardians, relatives and legal custodians tend to get deterred by the discomfort and this has greatly shaped our belief system around it. Growing up in Africa, talking about money in depth in the family context feels and sounds like a taboo.

A person’s finances can be deeply intertwined with their ego, identity, beliefs and sense of self-worth. Talking about money often means communicating a desire or a need that can leave us feeling very vulnerable.

A huge chunk of our lives is spent with family and friends. But do we really have important discussions especially with our friends about money?

Having conversations about money with your friends plays a vital role towards achieving your financial goals. It holds you accountable to your financial fitness journey. It’s interesting how we use blanket ambitions in addressing our long term financial goals i.e. “I want a car.” instead of breaking down how we intend to get the car. Imagine if friends had these sort of discussions. A huge percentage of people would become more accountable to their goals instead of not be wallowing in debt or would learn from other’s financial mistakes.

Here are a few concrete questions to ask yourself;

1. How often do you talk to your friends about money?
2. Do you know how much each of your friends earn?
3. What are their spending habits?
4. What influences their spending?
5. Do they have financial goals, if any, what are they?
6. What are their sources of income? ( very important to know truly who you are dealing with.)
7. Do they have any investments, if not, what are their long term investment goals?

8. Are they financially literate?

These questions are intense! People may actually get offended if you asked them questions like how much they earn monthly. But, we ought to have such discussions with the people closest to us. Most friendships end as a result of financial incompatibility, a suggestion to hang out for that ‘happy hour’ may be draining you financially but for the fear of missing out you end up making decisions that will put you on the financial treadmill.

The reality though, is that you are an average of the five people you hang out with. Our friends highly influence our spending habits and this is a conversation you need to be having,

How to break the cycle

Here’s how we can breach the taboo associated with conversations centered around money with our friends:

1. Just start

Start having open conversations about money, whether its with our friends or family. Think of it like ripping off a bandage, its going to hurt but you have to do it anyway. This can be difficult especially if one party is at struggling with their finances.

Clarity and precision about the areas you intend to tackle should be helpful.

2. Pin out the intention behind the conversations you are about to have.

Having difficult conversations about money will be emotional; its completely valid. Money pushes so many primitive button- feelings that we need to be aware of, feelings tied to money are often intensified by childhood experiences so check your ego and appeal to that of your friends by understanding exclusively where they come from and how that partly influences their spending habit.

3. Be non- judgmental

One of the reasons a lot of people don’t talk about money is that they don’t wat to be judged, particularly by people they like and respect. This makes starting off a conversation hard and hence, avoid being judgmental.

Here people will want to pain a picture of perfection, no one will admit they are flawed only to get judged.

Pragmatism should come in handy in this case. Be as open minded and share your experiences too to make your friends comfortable with having these conversations frequently.

But why? Do we have to?

Having the money talk with your friends and family :

1. impacts our relationships and bring us closer to our friends. We all come from different backgrounds with different money values, openly talking about money can open doors to greater understanding enabling us to find a a common ground.
2. Help us find answers to our questions and help us grow financially in wisdom and knowledge. This way, we can avoid pitfalls those who have preceded us have had to climb out of. It also grows our bonds through mutual prosperity in shared visions

3. Help each other grow and keep each other accountable. Surprisingly, two people may have the same job description doing the same task in the same company but their pay differs greatly. Money conversations with your friends can give you a higher bargaining power as you will be knowledgeable on the pay range for your job title.

If we are not being open at discussing our finances with our friends we are doing a disservice to each other. If we are honest with our friends about everything else, we can be honest about money too.