Money Talks: 5 Ways Couples can Address Money Issues
Talking about money with your intimate partner can bring discomfort, tension, arguments and in many cases, conflict. But with these 5 pointers, you can manage finances better and talk with ease about money problems as a couple.
It is said that money can’t buy love. Financial matters, however, remain very sensitive to a couple.
According to insights from the INSTITUTE OF DIVORCE FINANCE ANALYSIS, finance issues remain the single biggest reason for fights and divorce among married couples.
Money conversations between partners can often be uncomfortable. Sometimes, a partner’s expectations may be too high or exaggerated. Other times the lack of transparency about spending can result in a falling out with your partner. You may also come from different backgrounds so different perspectives clash. It is unfortunate that even when couples have resources and financial advice readily available to them, they still end up fighting over money.
When you are constantly at each other’s throats about money, you both lower the satisfaction you get from your relationship. Sometimes, it may be to pass a timely wake-up call but without doing it the proper way, things are bound to get ugly and you could hurt or lose a partner. This may seem like a grim prognosis for married couples, but it doesn't have to be.
Many couple’s financial issues or financial issues that lead to couple conflict include:
- Debt and sometimes huge debt
- contending priorities
- Indifference in attitudes
- Income sources
- wastage
- extravagance
- penny-pinching or being too thrifty or ‘stingy’(too conservative on spending money/sharing little as possible)
- high-risk investing without a cushion to fall back to
- poor household expense management.
There are steps you can take to avoid the strain money puts on your relationship. The following tips can help you:
- Understand your partner’s mindset
Start the conversation and be an active listener. Sometimes, financial mistakes may need understanding. How we were raised could be the reason our money beliefs have been shaped differently.
Know your partner’s mindset towards money. Establish what their spending habits and financial goals are.
Establish what you share, what is personal and understand where you have a money merge. This will help you strike a balance as a couple and may even lead to creating a culture that works for both of you. It also becomes easier to achieve your individual as well as couple goals and your wealth vision.
2. Be objective
Highlight and address problems and the reason why you are disagreeing. Disagreements don’t necessarily have to lead to conflict. It may actually be a constructive feature in your relationship especially when certain financial problems need special attention.
How you address issues matters. Clearly state your intentions: to avoid debt or a particular issue at hand. Stick to what you state as your objective. Many couples tend to lose their objectives and partners begin to guilt-trip, manipulate, blackmail or shame each other.
Rather than the cold and scary, “We need to talk”, you could begin with “Hey dear. If I do love you, then I can’t just be silent at this…”
It is important to keep in mind that you are both addressing a problem as a team. Rather than the cold and scary, “We need to talk”, you could begin with statements like: “Hey dear. If I do love you, then I can’t just be silent at this…” The emphasis is not just on what you say but how you say it.
Do not just watch each other get into financial traps or shrug off mistakes. But learn how to communicate your concern directly and with love. Actively listening when your partner explains themselves or expresses their thoughts, feelings or where they went wrong is being considerate. The urge to reciprocate is almost instant and unavoidable and this creates an avenue for them to listen to you too.
3. Use the ‘B’ word
Yes.
It’s one of the best words you could use whenever conflict arises in expenditure.
It’s the most effective way to retain your affection and take charge in addressing your partner about expenses. I know you may have second thoughts…but the benefits are compounding!
You already guessed it. There’s no better way to say it: you need a ‘Budget’! A budget will help you keep track of what your spending on and where your money is essentially going. You will be able to cut on costs and begin saving or redirect your spending. In situations where extravagance is a problem, your partner will begin to understand how unsustainable their spending habits are and make amends or find a way to increase income to cater to the spending
4. Seek sound advice
Some issues may be complex than they seem. Couples sometimes hit a rough patch due to financial woes that seem unresolvable or have very huge implications. In this case, You and your partner need to mutually agree to `bring in a third party.
A financial planner/advisor, a mutual friend as well as a psychologist may offer the much-needed direction that could diffuse tension between conflicting partners or offer you solutions to coping with your financial situation. A problem shared is a problem half solved.
5. Don’t set yourself up for disaster
Couples who are planning to get married, go on vacation, honeymoon or move to a new resident or location easily find themselves in sticky financial situations and even debt. Such life-altering decisions can demand high spending.
It is well known that in Africa average cost for a wedding can range from the price of one goat to thousands of dollars. The cultural significance, social statement and more importantly, the couple’s or a partner’s desires come into play. Most couples who are just starting often think of having a good vacation to enjoy themselves or moving in together or if living together, moving to a better neighbourhood.
Avoid financial crisis as a couple. Shed off the blaming attitude. Rather than arguing or fighting, see your intimate half as a financial partner and develop your abundance mindset.
Couples that relate well talk openly about finances. At Financially Fit Africa, we believe that by changing the way you feel, think and act regarding money, you will unlock your potential to attain financial freedom and debt-free life.
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